A Letter From Camp Blandings

Dear Dad,

We are sure you would want to know how things are going at camp, so I am writing on behalf of the brothers to fill you in.  We hate to alarm you, but something needs to be done immediately.  Our counselor is clearly unqualified and surly.  
We know that camp food is traditionally sketchy, but what we have here is awful.  Our counselor spends endless hours going on and on about what we refuse to eat, yet ignores our feedback on what would be more palatable.  We’ve taken a straw poll and none of us feels the limitation of chicken fingers and french fries to once a week is reasonable.  You should see her reaction when we remind her that potatoes are vegetables.  We know they are; we googled it.  Ice cream is a dairy and, no, we do not buy that frozen fruit bars are “the same thing.”
In addition, for someone who is supposed to be responsible for our summer fun, she is filling our days with tedious tasks.  Just yesterday, after we returned from swimming and golf, she came upstairs twice to see if we had picked our wet swimsuits up off the floor.  Twice!  When we tried to explain that we were tired from our busy morning and in the middle of Drake and Josh – an episode that we had not completely memorized – she went straight off the deep end.  What harm can a little water do anyway?  They were not “soaking” as she suggested, merely damp.  When #2 suggested that she pick them up she replied, “I’m not a maid, I’m your mother.”  In response to his inquiry, “Well, isn’t that what mothers are supposed to do?” the reaction wasn’t pretty.  We think hidden cameras are necessary.
Speaking of verbal abuse, she is constantly talking when we are trying to concentrate on something else.  It would not be so much of a problem that she is continually interrupting us to ask us to pick things up and put things away, except she will only allow us to have “electronic time” for an hour a day.  We have tried to explain that technology is the future and that if we have any chance to get ahead in this world, this is it.  Her response?  “Read a book.”  Sometimes, it’s even worse.  Sometimes she says, “Go outside.”  It’s hot!  Has she ever heard of heat stroke?  Geez, we’re just kids.
We don’t think she should be permanently replaced as she does have a few strengths (Rosie likes her), but some coaching is in order.  To help you out, we could suggest any of the lovely young women who have had temporary stints here so far.  Pretty and patient, they seem unconcerned with the short or long-term affects of sugar or fried foods.  They, too, enjoy the wonders of the internet and all the connection it provides.
We know you appreciate our feedback.  Just let us know if there is anything else we can do.
The Blandings Boys
Postcard pictured above available on ebay.
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15 thoughts on “A Letter From Camp Blandings

  1. I was laughing out load while reading this post. I tell this to anyone who will listen, why when I was a kid did we spend at least 8 hours outside, allowed in for bathroom breaks only. I think the food was even shoved under a door. As for tv, nothing was on, only 4 channels, and not even atari was invented yet. Best of luck at Camp Blanding for the rest of the summer only a few more weeks until school starts again.

  2. Too funny! Aren’t some things just universal with the kids of the world! (Except for the one or two perfect ones out there)!

  3. well, treasure these days; i would give anything to talk to may 5 year old daughter again..now 21 and in her own grown-up world.. Turn the boys on to design books!

  4. You should save this letter for the boys so when they are grown they can see their mom had the ability to empathize with their point of view 🙂

  5. ahhhh- the joys of summer ! you captured it beautifully ! my crew is teenaged now….they just SLEEP- oh, and EAT….yes, the towels are on the floor- but they do their own laundry now ! (let that be my gift to you today, just that funny thought of the boys doing laundry !) enjoy ! kristine

  6. When we were young, mornings were for lessons in tennis, swimming, etc. Afternoons were for reading. Evenings were back at the pool or playing huge free-ranging games like hide & seek, tag or combat croquet with the neighbour kids. No TV, no computers, no whinging!

  7. Fairfax’s summer sounds familiar… after all that I’m amazed at how bad my swimming and tennis “game” are. But there did seem to be ambient light until at least 9 PM, if I remember. (We’re asleep here by 9:30 these days….)

    Ah, Mrs. B., I am frightened by what future summers hold in store (for me) with my little house apes and hope I handle it with as much aplomb as you have! Really a funny post! As Style Court says, save it for the kids… and their kids.

  8. The perfect letter to save and then read at their weddings ….. LOL! Another kid here that was “sent outside” until lunchtime and then “sent outside” again until dinnertime or darkness or when my dad would whistle loudly and I knew it was time to go home. No use getting into any mischief in our neighbourhood — the moms had a mysterious radar that set the telephones ringing …. and that meant trouble for any miscreant! Woe betide any child who was foolish enough to utter the words: “I’m BORED” Instantly – all sorts of household and garden tasks would assigned! We escaped to the local “Lion’s Club” pool — frigid water and those horrid rubber bathing caps are brought to mind. Your kids are so lucky at Camp B! My sister used to threaten her three wild ones with “being sold to aliens or gypsies — whichever will KEEP you!” LOL!

    Jan at Rosemary Cottage who spent many hours hidden in the local library — lying on the cool tile floor and reading E. Nesbit or Enid Blyton books ……

  9. Thanks to all of you for your support and sharing your summer memories. I wonder if they will remember that they spent the day outside with only water and rations when they are older. I do remember taking on my own laundry eventually and what a relief it was not to have to hear about it all the time – well worth the work. The boys are a joy and I do adore them, but yes, dogs ARE easier.

  10. Have the boys upset Rosie’s schedule being home or is she in heaven with the company?
    Dogs are easier but Mrs. Blandings you hit the jackpot with 3 messy boys.

  11. Absolutely hysterical! Are you this funny in real life????? I’m dying – it’s so funny. Do you really watch what the boys eat like that? I’m a bad mom I guess. My daughter has lived on fried chicken nuggets for 17 years.

    Also = what do you use a drill for? I don’t have one – do I need one?

    And I like the silver vine – it did remind of Rose’s ivy. Have you seen it lately – it’s overtaken her room.

  12. Joni – I don’t think I can attest to my level of funniness, but imagine that I am medium-funny. I know lots who are funnier and lots who are not. I have a very loose handle on what the boys eat; it’s a daily battle and I only mind the fried food so much because I usually end up “cleaning up” after them and do not assume that means anything is thrown away.

    The drill is a thing of wonder and I cannot begin to list the number of projects I have used it for. My guess is, if you don’t find yourself thinking, “if I only had a drill” you are probably doing just fine and other folks are doing your drilling for you.

    I’m glad to hear you like the vine. I’ve haven’t seen Rose’s ivy lately – where did you see an updated picture? I wondered how she monitor its progress.

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