Bizarroland

This week between Christmas and New Year’s always seems a little Twilight Zone-ish. Not this, not that, and we are all biding our time until the next day off, wandering the halls, not getting a whole lot accomplished. In honor of this, though the only halls I wander are my own, I am posting bizarre things about the new house.
We moved about ten days ago and a few times I have said, “I think I might love this house,” like we are on our third date. But there are quirky things about it. Like our shower. Our bathroom has no door and our shower has no door, and is open at the top on two sides. It’s chilly. It’s also amazingly, amusingly big.

The shower itself is five feet by four feet, ten inches, which is larger by about five square feet than one of my first apartment’s bathroom. It has, as you might have noticed, two shower heads. When we decided to make an offer on the house Mr. Blandings, standing just outside the shower non-door, said, “I am embarrassed for my mother to see this.” “Well. It’s not as if you designed it, then you really would be in a spot where you would be saying, ‘See what we like to do?’ This is just coincidence.”
Still, as I am standing, shivering, I am wondering the rationale behind the design. Honestly, it seems utilitarian above all as the water, even if aimed at the same spot, seems to hit about mid-calf. I wondered with Mrs. Grizwald if she thought it was really just a time saver, so two people could get ready simultaneously. She mused, “Really, in the hopes of maintaining any appeal, the last thing I’d want to be doing in front of Mr. Grizwald is daily maintenance.”
To another friend I said, “I could water my plants while I shower. Or do my hand-washing.” “Or you could have group sex,” she supplied. I could, I suppose, though in forty-five years I haven’t and it seems a little late to start. Plus, there would be all the towels to wash. It occurred to me that my children would likely beat me to it. And would be unlikely to wash the towels. Both thoughts were concerning.
I have, jokingly, said to friends that we could have coffee in there sometime. I set it up to see if this were, indeed, a possibility, and while it is, it seemed a little chilly. Wine and chintz and upholstery seemed a better solution; you’re welcome to join me anytime.
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42 thoughts on “Bizarroland

  1. Patricia, well what a lovely invitation!! We will just have to firm up a day & time?!!

    Happiest of Holidays & All the Best in the New Year!

    xoxo
    Karena
    Art by Karena

  2. I wanted to leave a witty comment but I'm just too tickled by the picture in my head of you moving furniture into and around the shower. Well done.

  3. * I'm with DAVID (above) on his PERFECT comment~ am still smiling at this posting! (Yep, annnd, THANK YOU SOOOO much, Patricia… now I'll NEVER get to sleep!!!).

    Seriously, GR888 writing here, girlfriend!!! Loved it! (And love going to bed with a silly smile on my face~ you know the old saying, "It'll make my husband wonder what I've been up to!"…

    Many thanks!!!
    Linda in AZ *
    bellesmom1234@comcast.net

  4. As randy and edgy as I delude myself into thinking that I am…every time I'm in a hotel that has one of those larger/fancier/multi-nozzled showers, it sets me to thinking.

    And I NEVER come up with anything erotic or intriguing. I always have trouble adjusting the multi-optioned spray offerings and I quickly net out a conclusion of "I just don't get it so these showers aren't designed for me in mind." Kinda unsettling actually.

    Thanks for allowing me to expose the root cause of my hygiene issues.

    ADG

  5. Why it looks like the perfect art studio for me….and would make for a seemingly easy clean-up.
    A metal table and chair with a waterproof cushion…
    and a table with supplies at the ready.
    pve

  6. Thanks for a morning laugh! And I am with you, I like to shower alone. It is about the only alone time I get so no visitors, please!

  7. Oh too funny!! I think my husband and I would be fighting over the little corner seat! When we renovated our former house, we were in an extremely odd rental that had a gigantic (think football field) size bathroom with a tiny plastic prefab shower barely big enough for one – truly bizarro!

  8. What fun and absolutely hilarious photos! Furniture in the shower seems luxuriously decadent somehow…how about a chandelier?

    A practical way to warm things up might be to replace one of the shower heads with a hand held shower. (Great for not just for showering, but also for cleaning such a large shower stall !) You could also have a cushion made for the corner bench, using indoor/outdoor fabric and the same fabrication methods that allow boat cushions to drain and dry. There are so many great new soft and luxurious textures now in outdoor fabrics. I use them not only for boat projects but also residential interiors. I can send you specs if you'd like.

    Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
    Catherine

  9. Perhaps, if you were something like the old woman in the shoe, y'know too many children, you could get them all in there at once for their daily hose down. I do like the idea of coffee–less cleanup. 😉

  10. Love the furniture in there! DId you get the boys to take a shower with the cafe table and chairs? It could be your 2011 christmas card.

  11. hahah…too funny….I already see that this will be the "dining room" of your new house…it's some contractors idea of a luxurious shower.

  12. Well, the shower really is something but I am in love with the chintz chairs. Where do they really belong? And…the stool, I die!

  13. I love the footstool and I make killer martinis…When are you issuing invitations? Have a great day…wandering the halls. Mary

  14. You made my day!
    I wonder if that recent hotel room that you stayed in NYC was bigger than this?

    At least it is marble and has a simple floor. You could be stuck with something a lot worse.
    Seems to be that since you have the stationary panel already in- that they can add a door too pretty easy for you!

  15. haha – oh my, mrs. blandings is getting risque 😉
    Honestly though, I thought my shower was huge when I bought my apartment, but you get used to the space very quickly. Now when I'm in a hotel or visit my parents I always can't WAIT to get home to my spacious shower; I feel so confined elsewhere!

  16. My 6'5" husband with 36" long arms and "wingspan" of almost 8' would think he had died and gone to finally enough room heaven. As it is now he gets knuckle scrapes! As for me, could I have another glass of wine and while you're up could you see if I have gotten all of the shampoo out of my hair?

    ps: I'd replace one of those shower heads with the largest rain shower head I could find and the other with a hand-held. The hand held is great for cleaning out humongous space, and washing off legs after shave, and putting on tired body parts (old gardener, here), and puppies. It might be more useful…and look more useful. Good for WASPs and those of us who are not so "open" in our showers. Big hugs and thanks for the laugh. It was not at all chintzy!

  17. WHat I want to know is….how is the water pressure? And what?! No hand shower? I was going to suggest it would be the perfect place to wash the dog….but without the hand shower….sigh….you will just have to stick with people.

    Looking forward to seeing furniture in the rest of the house! Congrats on the new digs!!!

  18. So, with every sentence you had me grinning a little more. Then I got to the photo of the faux bamboo chairs in the shower…laughter, then I got to the chintz chairs and outright laughter…tears down my cheeks in fact. You one funny lady.

    I once had a bathroom in a hotel in nowhere France, with Two French doors, a large balcony, elegant boiserie, a table and chairs, separate compartments for practically every function imaginable, AND a tub that I could swim ONE stroke in (I am 6'2"). Oddly, the hotel room itself was both smaller and less elegant…

  19. Ha. Thank you for the laughs. I have a similar shower and shiver each morning. I finally had to get a space heater for just outside the shower area. I appreciate not having to clean (or pay someone else to clean) the shower door (since there isn't one) but still, there's the shivering to consider…

  20. I would put a teak corner bench in the other corner; get a frameless glass door and a glass lid over the top! I would freeze to death without a door and a roof!
    We have a double shower (not that big) but the ceiling is dropped (we have high ceilings…..and it has a frameless glass door.

  21. This just cracked me up! It's so not fun to move…but in time you will have it all in shape and all of the quirks will seem less and it will be comfy!
    Blessings for a great 2011!
    xx

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